footnote[8]= "This is a test!"; footnote[11] = "This is test Number 1!"; footnote[12] = "This is test Number 2!"; footnote[13] = "This is test Number 3!"; footnote[14] = "This is test Number 4!"; footnote[1] = "

Partial List of \"People Who\"<\/b>
(Among the \"Bad Things\" of Life)<\/font><\/h3><\/center>
  1. People who<\/b> argue only in order to argue; <\/li>
  2. People who<\/b> play their stereos loud enough that those all around must hear them; <\/li>
  3. People who<\/b> see changes as threats rather than opportunities; <\/li>
  4. People who<\/b> solicit business or contributions by telephone; <\/li>
  5. People who<\/b> do, say, or think only what is fashionable; <\/li>
  6. People who<\/b> advocate changes with no realistic notion of what the changes would entail; <\/li>
  7. People who<\/b> tell you emphatically how to solve problems which they do not understand; <\/li>
  8. People who<\/b> refer to themselves as \"scholars\" or to their own research as \"in depth\" or as the \"cutting edge\"; <\/li>
  9. People who<\/b> prefer rage to reason; <\/li>
  10. People who<\/b> don't want to know anything unless it will help them earn more money; <\/li>
  11. People who<\/b> claim to be spokesmen for \"people today\"; <\/li>
  12. People who<\/b> butt into the front of the queue; <\/li>
  13. People who<\/b> disrupt public gatherings; <\/li>
  14. People who<\/b> confuse outcomes with goals; <\/li>
  15. People who<\/b> stopped learning when they left school; <\/li>
  16. People who<\/b> think politicians should make promises insensitive to the subtlety of changing circumstances; <\/li>
  17. People who<\/b> believe knowledge of a cultural tradition is genetic; <\/li>
  18. People who<\/b> eat peanuts and garlic and peppermint and breathe them in your face. <\/li>
  19. People who<\/b> assume Americans of their acquaintance to be the measure of human normality; <\/li>
  20. People who<\/b> participate in political demonstrations regardless of the topic, <\/li>
  21. People who<\/b> want to know (and control) the \"feelings\" of their fellow workers; <\/li>
  22. People who<\/b> use bad PA systems and imagine that they are understood; <\/li>
  23. People who<\/b> don't use turn signals; <\/li>
  24. People who<\/b> prefer to object to what an author says rather than appreciating it; <\/li>
  25. People who<\/b> arrive at dinner before<\/b> announcing they are strict vegetarians; <\/li>
  26. People who<\/b> arrive at dinner before<\/b> announcing they eat only kosher food; <\/li>
  27. People who<\/b> can discuss no topic that does not relate to themselves; <\/li>
  28. People who<\/b> have firm opinions about things they don't understand; <\/li>
  29. People who<\/b> eagerly offer misleading advice merely to avoid seeming uninformed; <\/li>
  30. People who<\/b> carry guns; <\/li>
  31. People who<\/b> lack the capacity to doubt themselves; <\/li>
  32. People who<\/b> try to run their adult children's lives; <\/li>
  33. People who<\/b> prate about multiculturalism while remaining monolingual; <\/li>
  34. People who<\/b> take offense at trivial slights while ignoring massive human suffering elsewhere in the world; <\/li>
  35. People who<\/b> worry about how people do things in New York; <\/li>
  36. People who<\/b> think everybody should wake up early; <\/li>
  37. People who<\/b> assume that something will necessarily be better if it is changed; <\/li>
  38. People who<\/b> print footnotes at the back of the book;<\/li>
  39. People who<\/b> home-school their kids to avoid their learning about other people's views;<\/li>
  40. People who<\/b> deliberately seek to be offended\/offensive;<\/li>
  41. People who<\/b> tilt their airline seats all the way back without regard for the people behind; <\/li>
  42. People who<\/b> say they are \"proud\" of accomplishments to which they themselves made no contribution; <\/li>
  43. People who<\/b> value law above civility; <\/li>
  44. People who<\/b> don't flush public toilets; <\/li>
  45. People who<\/b> address perfect strangers as \"brother\"; <\/li>
  46. People who<\/b> go to college hoping only to learn a trade; <\/li>
  47. People who<\/b> retire to La Jolla to spend their last days holding up traffic; <\/li>
  48. People who<\/b> oppose the discovery of anything that may cast doubt on what they already believe; <\/li>
  49. People who<\/b> create computer viruses or deliberately initiate spam mailings; <\/li>
  50. People who<\/b> snuff out their cigarettes on pipe knockers; <\/li>
  51. People who<\/b> refer to their own writing as \"in depth\"; <\/li>
  52. People who<\/b> make up moral imperatives for other people; <\/li>
  53. People who<\/b> go door to door trying to collect money or souls; <\/li>
  54. People who<\/b> compare all places unfavorably with New York, but don't move there; <\/li>
  55. People who<\/b> urge others into confrontations so they can watch from the sidelines; <\/li>
  56. People who<\/b>, lacking information, insist the more emphatically on the rightness of their views; <\/li>
  57. People who<\/b>, rather than seeking to solve a problem, are concerned to \"frame the issue,\" \"send a message,\" or \"set the agenda\"; <\/li>
  58. People who<\/b> think education has no goal other than to make money; <\/li>
  59. People who<\/b> claim to know the mind of God; <\/li>
  60. People who<\/b> cross streets just to make the traffic stop;.<\/li>
  61. People who<\/b> shout; <\/li>
  62. People who<\/b> take ethical stands that require other people<\/b> to make sacrifices; <\/li>
  63. People who<\/b> don't care where they go as long as they get there first; <\/li>
  64. People who<\/b> assume that an academic discipline has not changed since the freshman introduction to it that they took forty years ago; <\/li>
  65. People who<\/b> actually believe the slogans chanted by rioting demonstrators; <\/li>
  66. People who<\/b> argue that the world is going to hell because they are getting older; <\/li>
  67. People who<\/b> keep changing lanes; <\/li>
  68. People who<\/b> endorse an idea because of the prominence of its advocates rather than because of its own merit; <\/li>
  69. People who<\/b> dismiss an idea because of the \"biases\" of its advocates rather than because of its own merit; <\/li>
  70. People who<\/b> oppose birth control but do not contribute to the welfare of abused children; <\/li>
  71. People who<\/b> blame \"the schools\" for whatever they think is the matter with people younger than they are;<\/li>
  72. People who<\/b> read and believe crackpot books and demand that you read them as well; <\/li>
  73. People who<\/b> value consistency above flexibility; <\/li>
  74. People who<\/b> think foreign countries and their issues are creations of the Department of State.<\/li>
  75. People who<\/b> say universities should be \"diverse\" but object to professors with foreign accents; <\/li>
  76. People who<\/b> mount posters, notices, or museum exhibits so low that one must kneel to see them; <\/li>
  77. People who<\/b> seek to be evaluated on their ambition or their efforts rather than on their accomplishments; <\/li>
  78. People who<\/b> confuse a college major with a serious education; <\/li>
  79. People who<\/b> riot in the street to get attention when their arguments are too weak to be persuasive; <\/li>
  80. People who<\/b> try to pass while you are changing lanes; <\/li>
  81. People who<\/b> drive like crash-test dummies; <\/li>
  82. People who<\/b> talk about \"philosophical differences\" when only bloody-mindedness is involved; <\/li>
  83. People who<\/b>, though not yet listed, clearly should be!<\/li><\/ol>"; footnote[2] = "picture

    Maternal Advice
    (Among the \"Good Things,\" of Life)<\/font><\/h3><\/center>

    The following is a view that I seem to recall both parents espousing from the time I was a little kid, but this formulation is one Mother developed, shortly after she turned 87. She had Father make lots of copies, and then she began going through the world passing them on to postmen, meter readers, museum guards, clerks at grocery store check-out counters, mall-gawking teenagers, people waiting to cross the street, and anybody else who crossed her path.<\/p>

    You get an electronic copy.<\/p>

    Something to Think About...<\/b>
    You can't help what you are born —<\/dt>
    Whether you are a male or a female,<\/dd>
    Whether you are brilliant or not too bright,<\/dd>
    Whether you are tall or short, have blue or brown eyes, or have a white, black, yellow, or red skin,<\/dd>
    Whether you were born in the second century, or the twelfth, or the twentieth,<\/dd>
    Whether you were born in China, India, Africa, or the U.S.A.<\/dd>
    What you can<\/i> help is
    What you do<\/i>, what you say<\/i>, how you act<\/u><\/i>!<\/dd>
    That is what you are responsible for.<\/dt><\/dl>

    Dorothy F. Jordan
    1910-2001<\/p><\/b><\/font> <\/blockquote>
     

    Mother made the watercolor of bittersweet for use as a birthday card while she was recovering from eye surgery about the same time she composed the text. \"Birthdays,\" she observed, \"are bittersweet: bitter because you are older, sweet because you are still around.\"<\/p>

    She died, in dementia and great pain, at the age of 91. Father died about a year later.<\/p>"; footnote[3] = "

    Insights Into the Nature of Heaven<\/h3>

      <\/li>
    • In heaven there is infinite counter space.<\/li>
    • In heaven \"easy-open\" containers are easily opened.<\/li>
    • In heaven all classes are P/NP.<\/li>
    • In heaven all computers have the same operating system.<\/li>
    • In heaven telephones are answered by real people.<\/li>
    • In heaven anything that itches is where you can reach it.<\/li>
    • In heaven babies have off switches.<\/li>
    • In heaven even idiots drive politely.<\/li>
    • In heaven preachers don't care about sex.<\/li>
    • In heaven cars never need fixing.<\/li>
    • In heaven clothes stay ironed.<\/li>
    • In heaven computers don't crash, Email does not carry viruses, printer drivers always work, and there is no spam.<\/li>
    • In heaven dishes and children get clean by themselves.<\/li>
    • In heaven dogs don't whine, bark, bite, poop, or stink.<\/li>
    • In heaven even linen stays in press.<\/li>
    • In heaven people who telephone have something interesting to tell you.<\/li>
    • In heaven everyone can spell.<\/li>
    • In heaven everything fits back into its box.<\/li>
    • In heaven nobody cuts in front of you.<\/li>
    • In heaven babies don't wee on you.<\/li>
    • In heaven it doesn't matter what time you get to work.<\/li>
    • In heaven socks sort themselves and check books balance themselves.<\/li>
    • In heaven it is easy to upgrade your computer, calculate your taxes, and program your VCR.<\/li>
    • In heaven teenagers speak in complete sentences.<\/li>
    • In heaven you can keep library books and rental videos until you are done with them.<\/li>
    • In heaven Microsoft gives free upgrades.<\/li>
    • In heaven there is no jury duty.<\/li>
    • In heaven closets and bookshelves always have more space.<\/li>
    • In heaven mosquitoes and flies bite only each other.<\/li>
    • In heaven postage rates never change.<\/li>
    • In heaven there are no middle seats.<\/li>
    • In heaven no one is old, fat, bald, ugly, or politically correct.<\/li>
    • In heaven parents don't select their children's college majors.<\/li>
    • In heaven used books don't have underlining in them.<\/li>
    • In heaven parking is always available.<\/li>
    • In heaven politicians don't talk.<\/li>
    • In heaven magazines don't have cardboard reply coupons bound into them.<\/li>
    • In heaven post-modernists don't publish anything.<\/li>
    • In heaven psychotic maniacs don't drive cars.<\/li>
    • in heaven different invitations to dinner don't fall on the same night.<\/li>
    • In heaven batteries never run down.<\/li>
    • In heaven lobster, art books, and houses by the sea are all cheap.<\/li>
    • In heaven fallen food doesn't stain.<\/li>
    • In heaven they don't do annual performance evaluations.<\/li>
    • In heaven the adults are as cute as the kids.<\/li>
    • In heaven you always have exact change.<\/li>
    • In heaven there are no graffitti.<\/li>
    • In heaven there are no artificial fruit flavors.<\/li>
    • In heaven the little stuff doesn't fall to the bottom of the suitcase.<\/li>
    • In heaven real estate is cheap.<\/li>
    • In heaven credit cards don't charge interest.<\/li>
    • In heaven exams cover only what you studied.<\/li>
    • In heaven grocery bags don't spill. <\/li>
    • In heaven good days have extra hours.<\/li>
    • In heaven library books are available when needed.<\/li>
    • In heaven rabbits, squirrels, and snails eat only weeds.<\/li>
    • In heaven there are no bad-hair days.<\/li>
    • In heaven eating cabbage doesn't give you gas.<\/li> In heaven stu0pid people don't vote.<\/li>
    • In heaven computer programs don't bury data files in unfindable subdirectories.<\/li>
    • In heaven the captain eventually turns off the \"fasten seat-belt\" sign so passengers can usethe rest room.<\/li>
    • In heaven there are no postmodernists.<\/li>
    • In heaven you never step in somebody's old bubble gum.<\/li>
    • In heaven newspaper movie ads tell you what the movies are about.<\/li>
    • In heaven there are no trial lawyers, customs agents, pushy salesmen, tax collectors, or labor organizers.<\/li>
    • In heaven new babies sleep through the night.<\/li>
    • In heaven nobody has zits.<\/li>
    • In heaven there is always a break in the traffic.<\/li>
    • In heaven children neither scream nor whine.<\/li>
    • In heaven you don't have to take off your shoes when you come indoors.
    • In heaven there is no rock music.<\/li>
    • In heaven nobody telephones just as you are going out the door.<\/li>
    • In heave there are no doomsday preachers.<\/li>
    • In heaven winter clothes, cheap hotels, and computer programs are all bug-free.<\/li>
    • In heaven you can find stuff no matter where you put it.<\/li>
    • In heaven there are no political parties.<\/li>
    • In heaven nobody calls early morning meetings.<\/li>
    • In heaven kids don't bawl and diapers don't stink.<\/li>
    • In heaver there is always enough time between planes.<\/li>
    • In heaven there is no crab grass.<\/li> <\/ul>
      "; footnote[4] = "

      Curiously Pervasive Myths of Our Time<\/h3>
      • Childproof caps can be opened by adults but not children.<\/li>
      • Politicians who never change their minds are better leaders than those who do.<\/li>
      • Everybody loves pop music.<\/li>
      • Soccer matters.<\/li>
      • The justice system produces justice.<\/li>
      • The person in charge knows what's going on.<\/li>
      • Globalization can be prevented.<\/li>
      • Everybody should go to college.<\/li>
      • Multitasking improves efficiency.<\/li>
      • Most people are just like me, but I am unique.<\/li>
      • Teenagers will buy anything.<\/li>
      • Everybody can be above average.<\/li>
      • The world used to be better because everybody used to be young.<\/li>
      • However things are being done, they should be done some other way.<\/li>
      • The previous generation got everything wrong all of the time.<\/li>
      • Everybody speaks English.<\/li>
      • Experts know what they are talking about.<\/li>
      • Music requires amplification.<\/li>
      • Taxes should never be raised.<\/li> <\/ul>";